TO BE AT PEACE WITH ONESELF

 
The interminable hours of travel were whiled away in wondering what kind of reception I'd receive; would Baba be pleased that I chose to run to Him or would He send me packing because I didn't wait in New York, as He'd suggested? Or, most unbearable of all, would He say that I don't belong to Him at all, that He's not the beloved of my heart, as I'd come to think of Him, and send me in search of some other master, or will I be allowed to follow Him to the ends of the earth if need be? The one certainty in all this mental clamor was that at the end of this journey Baba is awaiting me! Baba expects me!

Sarosh Irani met me at the bus terminal and immediately whisked me off to the "Center" where, as I stepped onto the porch of the Barn, I spied Baba through the screen door seated with a group of disciples around Him. Delia DeLeon opened the door for me and said, "Baba, this is Beryl." As I hesitated at the entrance, Baba rose from His chair and stood with outstretched arms to me. The next thing I knew I was weeping my heart out on that beloved shoulder at the joy of having found my home at last. Baba left no room for doubt as to where I belonged in His welcome.

Later, as I sat beside Him while He inquired about the trip and had I eaten lunch, etc., I received the unmistakable impression that it was Baba who had drawn me to Him in His own way, particularly when in the course of the interview He suddenly turned to Adi and spelled out on His board, "It was worth it," while I happily nodded and babbled foolishly.

After giving me some personal instructions of what He wanted me to do, on His alphabet board, Baba looked deep into my heart before enjoining on me the simple command, "...leave everything to me — leave it to me." So simple, but oh how difficult for a willful nature! Yet, I felt a great burden lifted from my heart which until that moment I'd been unaware of even carrying. I knew then what it was to be at peace with oneself.

Finally, Baba introduced me to Elizabeth Patterson and told me I was to remain in Myrtle Beach as His guest. He explained that Mrs. Patterson would make all arrangements concerning my stay and then my return to New York.